Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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