mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
