I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize