It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
