grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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