YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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