so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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