So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
