i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize