do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
