Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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