I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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