i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
