I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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