It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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