apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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