cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
