I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
