So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
