Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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