Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
