I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
And then my night got REAL pukey
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
