You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize