I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Duck Duck Cougar?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
