Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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