as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
