he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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