i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
