HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
