This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
