I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
