Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize