That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i've created a new STD.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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