I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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