Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
