Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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