Non-Jews are for practice
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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