and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
