Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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