It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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