Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
