Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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