dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
