I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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