My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
