i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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