your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
