Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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