two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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