Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
the liver wants what the liver wants
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
