can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
