I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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