you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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