Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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