Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i think my mom watched the whole time
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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