also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
