it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
