if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
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