No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
