she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
