I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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