tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
