He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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