sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize