It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
