Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
