i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
