The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
